I love watching the boys sleep, when I put them to bed I take an extra minute to look at their sleepy faces and wonder what dreams they might have. I wonder what they will be like when they are older, will they be teachers or doctors or maybe an engineer like their Grampa. In those little minutes after a stressful day I think of how I have been blessed.
Matthew turns two this month and I can’t believe how time has flown. Our lives changed so much when Matthew arrived and after two years I can finally say I think we have finally found some calm.
Last month we started a new chapter, I have significantly reduced my hours in work so that I could focus more on Matthew and the boys. These early moments in their little lives are so important and laying the ground work now is so vital. I have had such mixed reactions from people when I tell them I am staying at home, it seems that opting to stay at home now is no longer an obvious choice for a woman. I find myself justifying my decision by saying the decision was all about Matthew and not permanent, this usually makes people more comfortable! I feel like I am betraying all woman by saying that I’m enjoying my moments at home. It’s peaceful, and for the first time in a long time I feel like we are finally in control. Matthews appointments are easier to organise and I no longer feel like I am permanently juggling. Control Is a very calming feeling.
This time last year I was distraught when Matthew turned one and I really struggled, he was behind on everything and I could not breathe or see any light. With Matthews upcoming birthday I finally feel such relief. He is finally walking, he’s found his little voice and I can see the light. I feel like all our hard work is eventually paying off and I know for sure he is going to be ok.
I would be lying if I said that somewhere in the back of my mind I wasn’t still concerned, of course I am, we are still waiting on results for genetics and brain scans and metabolic testing, but I am not stressing about it. This is a definite step forward for me!
I know that everyday may not be good but with three amazing little boys by my side there is always something good in everyday !